“Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you.” – Robin Sharma
I wonder what this quote evokes for you. As a helping professional, investing in myself is paramount, and one of those ways is through self-care. If I keep my mind, body and spirit healthy, then I am better able to support others. Through the lens of my Qigong training, if I can maintain optimal energy for myself, I can do that for others. To simplify, in the words of Sarah Bernhardt, “Energy begets energy.”
I often find that clients will explore themes that are present for me in terms of something I am challenged with or struggle with myself. The mirror of my clients’ experiences helps me to pay attention and keep aware of my patterns and then I can choose differently to improve and refine my own self-regulation and stay present. As Dan Siegel would say, “Name it to Tame it.” Another way to put this is taking things from your unconscious or subconscious mind and bringing it into your conscious awareness so you can do something about it. I will be exploring the Unconscious in my July Masterclass later this month, so stay tuned!
The past couple of months, a common pattern has been about self care. What I hear from clients repeatedly is that despite being overwhelmed, when they consider taking some time for themselves from their busy lives and many obligations, they will feel selfish. The timing has been in parallel with me trying to regain my work-life rhythm after being in Australia twice during the first two quarters of this year.
Setting Healthy Boundaries and Being Self-ful
In discussions with clients that they feel selfish when trying to set healthy boundaries, and take time for themselves, what we often arrive at is the oxygen mask metaphor. If you are not familiar with this metaphor, for those of us who travel on planes, the instructions in case of an emergency, should the pressure destabilize in the cabin, are that oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Passengers are advised to put on their own oxygen mask before attending to help others with theirs. If we don’t ensure we have oxygen ourselves first, we will pass out and not be able to help others. A simple inquiry I offer to clients during such a conversation is, “What might be different for you if you viewed your actions as being ‘self-ful’ instead of ‘selfish’?” The idea is that when you fill yourself up, you can then have greater capacity to help, serve or support yourself and others – whatever your career is. To date, the subsequent reframe has resonated with 100% of my clients. One option is to explore how to develop a self care mindset.
What does being ‘self-ful’ evoke for you, Dear Reader?
My Walking Meditation Experience
One of the ways that I am self-ful with my self care is to have a self care routine. When I am being self-ful, it usually includes meditation, journaling, and qigong or yoga. I say usually, as I can be gentle with myself if I may only make space and choose one of these rather than all of them. To illustrate my self care routine in action, here is an excerpt from a recent journal entry after a walking meditation experience:
Just back from a walk and I went without my phone deliberately so it could be a walking meditation. Noticing with all my senses – sounds of birds I did not recognize even after all this time and letting go of the need to know in this moment. Sounds of neighbourhood voices, dogs, rustles in the bushes and the wind in the trees. Seeing the beauty of flowers in bloom or waiting to bloom. The lush greenery; the sunlight through the clouds; the sound of my footfalls on the sidewalk; the joy of seeing dogs and puppies being walked; the smell of flowers; traffic in the background. Noticing, noticing, noticing – including my thoughts coming in and out, as I imagine them like clouds in a light wind, passing through. Noticing my breath, feeling the in-breath and out-breath from my nostrils into my lungs, the rise and fall of my chest and my belly, the rhythm of my breath. The sensation of the cool air on my skin and how my clothes touch my skin as I walk, the pace of my walk, aware of the movement of my muscles from head to toe.
Noticing self-gratitude for being able to cultivate a practice that today has ease and flow. The soft, slow pace of my writing as I journal my experience. The clock slowly ticking, sounds of my home: Paul in his office, the traffic in the background, the sound of my pen on paper. Noticing. Noticing my breath again and again and again. Gratitude again for the distance I am choosing from my To Do List and perceived worries in this moment. The spaciousness in each breath, each moment, each awareness.
It is interesting to me that when I likely need it most, my meditation practice does not feel available to me. When I am feeling most caught up in the maelstrom of my thoughts, emotions, my story about how life should be, it is at such times when taking a pause would be most supportive for me. I practice meditation formally so that when I find myself trapped in the web and whirlwind of my thoughts and emotions, when I can notice, it is then that I can choose to pause. In the pause, I may take a breath, or change my posture and move mindfully – a stretch, a qigong or yoga pose or sequence.
I am curious if you are self-ful and if yes, how do you fill yourself up? Or if being self-ful does not resonate, what comes up for you?
20-20-20
I do find these days that I am sometimes working on my computer too much. To mitigate that, I lift my gaze from my computer with intention. I take that pause, then move mindfully into a stretch or do a qigong
or yoga pose. A friend shared the 20-20-20 rule with me – every 20 minutes, take a break from your computer screen and look up for 20 seconds at something 20 feet away. When I share this with clients, for ease if I am with a client who uses metric, it would be 20 metres away. The point is the distant gaze, not necessarily the measurement per se. And this is a guideline. If the 20 minutes for you is 15 or 30 minutes, the offering is a regular break for your eyes. From a Qigong perspective, it offers a break for your brain, liver and spleen (I will save that for another blog post in the interests of time here and to save your eyes from all the reading).
Gratitude For My Self Care Practice
As mentioned earlier, it has taken me the last couple of months to shift back into my self care routine where I can be self-ful. My travel schedule for the early part of 2024 felt disruptive to my formal practices. I take this with appreciation that I can still practice when my routine is not in place, but I do find I need to be more intentional with my practice at these times. I am grateful for creating time to attend a bi-weekly
meditation class from January until June this year. I missed two of the sessions but was able to watch the replays to keep on track. I have been able to refine and expand my meditation practice with this class that finished last Monday, June 24.
Habit Stacking to Build New Behaviours
I know that meditation does not resonate with everyone. It did not used to be so prominent in my life, but I recall going to my first yoga class with my mother when I was a teenager. Thank you, Mum, for that gift so many years ago. The gift of planting that seed – a seed that has grown and flourished and definitely needs tending as it shifts with the seasons of my life and career. Another offering I have for clients who desire to create a self-ful practice is that if they are starting out, to have a menu of choices for how they can start to experiment with implementing a self-care routine. It can be challenging for most of us to establish a new habit, so I ascribe to the concept of “Habit Stacking” introduced to me when I read, “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. The idea was originally popularized by S.J. Scott in his book “Habit Stacking: 97 Small Life Changes That Take Five Minutes or Less.” If you would like more resources on habits, I would be happy to share my “Habits” resource if you contact me to request it.
Habit Stacking is wonderfully simple inviting you to add a new habit to an existing habit to create new behaviours that are then easier to maintain over time. An example would be adding flossing after brushing your teeth, or journalling with a cup of tea/ coffee/ beverage of your choice. These are both from my repertoire and I would be excited to hear what you would choose to habit stack if you want to add a new habit and therefore positively change your behaviour.
Cultivating a Self Care Routine is a Choice
One final, but important note is that whatever self-care routine you create, I invite you to consider it as a practice rather than something that needs to be rigid or perfect. We practice something to improve and then if we do something enough, we may achieve mastery, but in the meantime, not to expect ourselves to be perfect, expert or highly skilled at whatever we choose for our self-ful journey. If you focus on progress rather than perfection, it can give you permission to have fun with your experimentation and not take yourself too seriously. My Positive Psychology Coach teacher, Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener offers that something can be important but does not necessarily need to be serious. Allowing ourselves to be relaxed and have fun when acquiring a new skill or developing a new behaviour, can help us to be more open, and creative and to approach our personal development with a growth mindset. It is typically much easier to learn from this perspective.
As I conclude this important topic of self-care to help you become more self-ful, here are some key takeaways:
- Energy Begets Energy: By investing in your own energy, you create more capacity for yourself and those around you.
- Creating a Self-Care Routine: Consider crafting a self-care menu. What activities or practices would you include to nurture yourself?
- Experiment and Adapt: Once you have your self-care menu, experiment with it for a week or two. Pay attention to what activities feel energizing and support your sense of being self-ful.
- Embrace Habit Stacking: This simple yet effective method helps you build new habits by linking them to existing ones, making them easier to maintain over time and create positive change.
- Choose Progress Over Perfection: Have fun practicing being self-ful and use this time to be creative and playful. You can cultivate a self care mindset.
By following these steps, my hope is that you’ll find it easier to integrate self-care into your daily life, being self-ful and enhancing your overall well-being and productivity.
We started with wise words from Robin Sharma. “What could unfold if you choose to invest in yourself to improve both your life and the lives of those around you?”
Sharing is caring! If you have an insight or favourite nugget of knowledge that has come up for you from reading this blog, I invite you to share your insight or highlight with me and others.
If you would like support to create healthier boundaries and cultivate a self care mindset, book a Brief Consult with me today!
